Hey folks, the Civil War is over
Enough rugged individualists in 19 states were so rattled by the re-election of President Obama that they started secession petitions. So far, only Texas has mustered enough would-be secessionists to sign its petition - more than 25,000 - to meet the White House's self-imposed threshold for a possible response.
The temptation, of course, is to wish that Mr. Obama would bid Texas a fond farewell or, perhaps, give it back to Mexico. But, since he will continue to be president of all these United States, he must advocate union.
So, he's likely to issue a few reminders about the Constitution and all that, including that the nation already has fought a civil war.
The Texas petition states that it has an economy capable of sustaining the Lone Star State as an independent nation, but the president might offer a few other reminders.
For example, private businesses in Texas no longer would be eligible for more than $32 billion worth of work that they did for the federal government last year, the third highest amount of any state, after California and Virginia. (Pennsylvania was sixth at over $17 billion.)
And, of course, the federal government would have to close at least 17 military bases, including Lackland Air Force Base and Fort Hood.
NASA wouldn't want its key operations to be based in a foreign country, so the Johnson Space Center, with its $5 billion budget and 18,000 highly skilled employees, would have to be relocated somewhere in the United States.
Thousands of federal Border Patrol agents in Texas would have to be relocated to New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas and Louisiana to keep Texans from sneaking into the United States.
No more oil subsidies, of course, and Washington would have to be indemnified for hundreds of billions of dollars of infrastructure spending.
Figure in Social Security, Medicaid and Medicare, and federal spending in Texas exceeds $220 billion a year. But, since the secessionists are ant-socialism, they don't want that money.
Texas Gov. Rick Perry, who couldn't remember which three federal agencies he would eliminate as president, does recall that it's in Texas' interest to be part of the United States. He's formally against secession and the federal government.
So, 10-gallon hats off to secessionist Texans for exercising its states' rights to be nuts.